“What does love look like? To which I replied, like everything I’ve ever lost come back to me.”
Amy’s heartnote? Everything. Every moment I got to spend with her. From the time I was looking for a yorkie not even knowing about her existence, the first time I saw her, through all the cuddles, the growls, the summers, the smiles, the birthdays. Amy’s heartnote will be a thousand pages book I fear.
My last heartnote was the most precious one though. My last memory with her.
From the second I saw the shadow on her liver until her very last day on earth I felt scared, angry, devastated. I was trying to beat time, to stop her death. It was the hardest battle I ever fought and it wasn’t until my last minutes with my Amy that I felt something so strange. Peace.
It’s hard to put in words the ocean of emotions that runs through your heart in lightspeed when you know your beloved dog has only minutes left. It’s cruel. And I can only speak for myself and what it did to me. It’s like this hurricane of everything suddenly ebbed. It got quiet and then all my senses were at 100%.
I felt the warm sunshine on my skin. I smelled the green of the trees. I heard the birds sing, our neighbor kids playing outside, I heard time passing by – I felt that summer day with every inch of my body. I held the dog I loved beyond belief in my arms – and I accepted it. Death is a part of life. Time is precious. Love to the tips of your fingers. Live in the moment.
In those last seconds with her there was no yesterday and no tomorrow, no fear, no worry, no anger. Just 100% love. Us. My Amy and me. Our heartbeats, our souls, our story. I was more at peace when she died than I ever felt before or after.
We had our goodbye dancing for beautiful life one last time. She exhaled. My soul scattered. And then I inhaled and lived on for the both of us. With one more heartnote I would cherish forever. Amy. The loved one.